Healing Vaginismus in 4 Steps with Holistic Approach

"You are more than flesh and bones, you are definition of beauty you are the Queen of the heart's throne" 

Vaginismus, a condition where involuntary contractions of the pelvic floor muscles cause significant discomfort or pain during intercourse or penetration, often has roots in both physical and psychological trauma. Healing requires a gentle, integrative approach that addresses both the physical symptoms and the subconscious fears contributing to the body’s protective responses. Many individuals with vaginismus have experienced emotional or physical trauma, creating a rift between their conscious desire to feel safe and their body’s automatic protective reactions.

This guide explores how one can compassionately and mindfully address vaginismus by building trust, reconnecting with the body, and gradually reframing the experience of touch as safe, natural, and even pleasurable.

Understanding Vaginismus: The Role of Trauma and Mistrust

When someone has experienced traumatic or emotionally painful events, the mind and body can become conditioned to respond to intimacy or penetration with fear or self-protection. For those with vaginismus, this can mean involuntary muscle contractions as their body’s natural response to the anticipation of pain or discomfort.

Western medicine often treats vaginismus with therapies focused on relaxation or even medication. However, a holistic approach that also focuses on rebuilding trust between the mind and body is key.

Step-by-Step Approach for Healing Vaginismus

1. Using Affirmations to Rewire the Subconscious Mind

Daily affirmations create new associations in the subconscious, helping to reframe your perception of intimacy and body trust. These affirmations help establish a sense of self-acceptance and openness toward healing.

• Affirmations for Safety: Phrases like “My body is safe and trusted” or “I deserve to experience love and joy within my own body” help you feel more connected to your physical self.
• Affirmations for Comfort and Trust: Daily affirmations such as, “I am healing, and I am capable of feeling at ease,” reinforce progress and instill gentle control over your healing journey.

Some Recommended Affirmations:

• I love and approve of myself
• I am safe now
• No one can hurt me
• I won’t let anyone hurt me
• Everyone loves me
• I have a wonderful body
• I am a good person
• I love life and everything it brings
• I am grateful for everything

Choose affirmations that feel empowering to you and say them upon waking, once during the day, and before going to bed.

2. Integrating Mirror Therapy for Self-Acceptance

In mirror therapy, this deeply transformative approach invites you to not only gaze upon yourself with kindness but to initiate a powerful dialogue with your heart and soul. When beginning, you might start by expressing these thoughts to yourself:

1. “I know I love you.”
2. “You are the only person I truly know.”
3. “You are my friend and companion.”
4. “You and I have been through so much.”

As you continue, allow yourself to speak the words of forgiveness you may have longed to hear. Say each of these with sincerity, as they open a door for you to release pain and invite understanding between your conscious and subconscious mind:

5. “I am sorry for where I have led you.” (Say this only the first time)
6. “I am sorry for I am responsible for all the abuse you have faced.” (Say this only the first time)
7. “I am sorry I failed in protecting you.” (Say this only the first time)
8. “But I love you so much. Please forgive me; I need you to trust me once again.” (Say this only the first time)

Then, invite your inner self to speak: “Tell me what you want, tell me what can I do for you. Talk to me, please.” Continue saying this gently each day until you begin to hear yourself express unspoken complaints or pains that have been buried. In these moments, listen carefully, accepting any blame or self-doubt that arises. Do not defend, argue, or excuse yourself; simply accept the words with empathy. Respond to each thought with, “I’m sorry,” letting these words soothe and release any feelings of blame or pain.

This process may feel overwhelming, but as you face each emotion, an incredible lightness will emerge within. The ice between your conscious and subconscious mind will break, offering you a sense of relief and forgiveness. After this experience, commit to saying “I love you” to yourself every time you see your reflection, daily, for 40 days, allowing this affirmation to deeply settle within.

Why This Approach Works

Trauma, especially when coupled with feelings of self-blame, can leave us conflicted and disconnected from ourselves. When something hurtful happens, we often ask, “Who is responsible?” A quiet voice may emerge, subtly pointing the blame at ourselves. But in many cases, we bury that voice beneath layers of rationalizations and justifications, ultimately convincing ourselves we were wronged.

In relationships, particularly abusive ones, we may overlook the early signs, letting ourselves accept mistreatment just to fit into societal expectations or to avoid feeling alone. Yet, deep inside, a part of us holds onto this self-doubt, carrying a subtle mistrust toward our own choices. This pain is often stored as a wound between our body and subconscious mind. But just as they hold these memories, they are also willing to forgive, ready to release this pain if we are willing to accept our role honestly, promising to protect ourselves moving forward.

However, it’s equally important to avoid the extreme of placing all the blame on yourself. True healing lies in assigning responsibility as it genuinely belongs—accepting what was ours, and assigning what was theirs. Once you’ve done this, extend forgiveness to them for being human, and offer the same to yourself. In doing so, you will release the poison of hatred, creating a space for healing.

If you ever make a choice you wish you hadn’t, simply return to the mirror and say, “I love you, and I will love you regardless of what you do. But next time, be careful.” This path of self-love will help heal more than vaginismus; it will open doors to a joy and peace beyond anything you’ve yet imagined.

3. Praying or Meditating

If you pray or meditate, say your affirmations and give thanks:

• “I am grateful now that I have a perfect body and sex life.”
• “I live with a perfect partner who loves me to my core as I love them to theirs.”

Express gratitude and openness to love, wealth, and health, acknowledging the infinite source of all within you.

4. Creating New, Positive Associations through Visual Resonance

To help retrain the brain to associate intimacy with safety and ease, we suggest, right before going to sleep, watching one video of less than 5 minutes of a woman with a similar body structure to yours, experiencing pleasure with comfort and confidence, for 40 days (you know the type of video I mean; make sure it's only one video with one woman alone without any prop).

Watching the same video over and over may seem boring, but our subconscious mind records memories by association. When you are sleepy and watching this video each night for 40 days, your mind may start imagining it is you experiencing this. Patients who have tried this new-age therapy have reported positive results in less than two weeks, but continue for 40 days to complete the sessions before moving to the next step. Remember, you just have to watch and do nothing with yourself unless you genuinely want to—that’s the goal, to feel a genuine desire for intercourse.

Once you have developed enough confidence, I recommend starting with your own finger before any prop or going for intercourse with your partner. If you're still not confident, simply rub your fingers around the entrance, gently and lovingly. Your body needs to feel safe, with no rush to finish the session.

Watching these types of videos, especially before sleep, primes the brain to start resonating with the idea of touch and penetration without pain or fear. Here’s why this approach can be transformative:

• Subconscious Priming: Viewing someone experiencing pleasure and calm allows your brain to start associating these experiences with positive sensations rather than fear.
• Comfort in Familiarity: Watching someone with a similar body structure can help you identify more easily and imagine yourself experiencing similar ease and enjoyment.
• Gradual Exploration: Starting with gentle touch without penetration allows you to explore sensation and build trust with your body. Gradually, you can progress to inserting your fingers or a small object, only if you feel comfortable.
• Normalizing the Experience of Touch: Practicing self-touch lets you gain autonomy over your comfort levels, free from external expectations or pressure. The goal is to move forward only as you feel safe.

Watching before bedtime can be particularly effective as the subconscious mind absorbs experiences and information more readily when relaxed and receptive.

After you’ve learned to find pleasure in this way without fear, you will likely feel more comfortable sharing this with a partner, as the fear of penetration will have diminished.

Final Thoughts

Healing from vaginismus is as much about restoring self-trust as it is about physical progress. By working to reprogram the subconscious mind and creating new, positive associations with touch, you can find a pathway toward comfort and openness. This journey will take time, and each step you take will bring you closer to self-acceptance and wholeness and in each step you take you have my blessings and prayers with you. I believe in you, its time you start doing the same. 

This article is dedicated to a dear friend who's courage to discuss this matter has made me write this article for her and for all the women suffering from Vaginismus, May she be rewarded for all benefit that anyone gets from this writing. Amen

For her and all the women that face this disease, I would only like to say that I understand how much insecure you must feel inside regarding this issue, you might see other women and consider yourself inferior to them but in reality any women that is fighting this disease is a true heroine and for me she is "The Woman" among women.